There Goes That ACCOUNTABILITY Word Again...

 

ACCOUNTABILITY is the willingness and responsibility to take ownership of your actions, decisions and their outcomes. It involves following through on commitments, admitting mistakes, and accepting consequences—both positive and negative—to build trust and improve performance. It is distinct from mere responsibility, as it focuses on outcomes. Remember The 3 C's: Clarity of expectations, Commitment to actions, and Consequences for outcomes.


Interactive EQ released findings from its 2026 Behavioral intelligence index, a simulation-based assessment platform designed to measure how employees think, decide and act under real workplace pressure. After role-based workplace scenarios were conducted across 17000+ professionals at 46 organizations, it was determined that 40% of professionals struggle to demonstrate learning or ownership when asked to reflect on a past failure.

In Harvard Business review 2023 it states that 89% of employees believe clear accountability improves team performance. It also stated that 75% of employees trust leaders more when they hold themselves accountable. 82% of teams with accountable leaders are 30% more likely to meet project deadlines. Sited from (Society for Human Resource Management).

These and many more studies and surveys like it have been done showing both the importance and valuable impact of being accountable as well as the difficulties human beings have with holding themselves accountable. Why is it so hard to adapt this skill and why doesn't it come natural to the average person?

Understanding accountability and how it pertains to me only started during my 10 year relationship. Before things were truly over and I made my exit, we went through episodes of break-ups and make-ups. There were manipulations on both sides and there was abuse. Throughout that entire chapter of my life I felt like the ultimate victim. He would constantly say things like "you don't ever take accountability, forever with your victim mentality", he'd call me narcissistic while the whole time I'm thinking to myself that he is the full embodiment of the word narcissist. In my mind I was totally justified feeling like a victim because truth is I WAS in many ways.

For some reason though, whenever he said that I just loved being the victim because it made me not have to be accountable for my wrongs in the relationship- it made me extremely angry to my core and the words would repeat itself in my mind long after whatever the particular argument was. Eventually this led to me doing major introspection which is where my healing journey began. It was only when I decided to face my own wrongs and take accountability for my own actions (to the capacity that I could at the time), that's when I was able to walk away from the relationship. I decided that I no longer wanted to be a victim and that I needed to feel safe to heal. Things have grown from then.

Humans are wired to maintain a positive self-image. When we "screw up", it creates cognitive dissonance- the uncomfortable feeling we get when our actions do not match who we believe we are. So instead of saying "I was wrong" the brain instead chooses to either blame others, minimize the mistake or justify the behavior. This response is most times a subconscious defense mechanism and less intentional. This is why we may feel like someone is attacking us or attacking our character when they call us out on our wrong. This is where awareness comes in. This is the beauty of knowledge and having the ability to apply said knowledge. If we are aware of the why then we can figure out the "how" to go about correcting our behaviors or improving it.

Accountability depends on being able to see yourself clearly, but self awareness isn't automatic. It is tied to Reflection Skills, Emotional Intelligence and Honest Self-Assessment. Without these skills and qualities, people genuinely may not recognize their role in a situation. If someone grew up or works in an environment where blame shift is common, where accountability is punished instead of respected and where leaders/parents or other authority figures avoid responsibility etc. then an individual is more likely to adopt those same patterns. This is the case with most of us who struggle with accountability and self awareness.

Taking accountability can feel like a threat, especially if you were severely punished when you made mistakes growing up or if you associate mistakes with shame or rejection. This activates the brain's fear center in a way that communicates danger. So the body reacts with defensiveness, avoidance and denial. The Amygdala basically says "Protect yourself first, reflect later".

We must acknowledge and be mindful of the fact that the ego's job is to protect-not to be accurate. Our egos prefers being right over being honest and avoiding shame over growth. To develop accountability skills we must learn to override that instinct of our ego. Thanks to the intricate design of our brains we have the privilege of neuroplasticity which is the brain's almost magical ability to ADAPT. This means accountability can be learned an strengthened.

Emotional regulation is essential in this journey because accountability requires you to sit with discomfort and manage your guilt or embarrassment. It demands that you respond instead of react which means that you must have strong impulse control. Assess yourself and see if you struggle to stay present long enough to own your actions. If not then this is an area you must develop expeditiously as long as you are committed to being accountable.

You must know that this is not a quick fix 10-day program. Oh no. I can tell you from personal experience and observation of others, this process is a winding road and a journey up and down mountains. As I always say "this journey is not linear". there are days when you will fall back into old patterns but we must choose truth over protection and growth over comfort.

At the beginning of this blog I mentioned the 3 C's so here's an easy way to remember your commitment to being accountable.

1. Clarity of Expectations- Be clear on what is required. Leave out assumptions, this creates less confusion.

2. Commitment to Action- Follow through with intention-, keep your word, have consistency and take ownership of your actions.

3. Consequences for Outcomes- Accept the results, remember you don't get to control how someone responds to your actions. Learn, adjust and grow without blame.

I truly hopes this helps you on your journey as it has been helping me with mine.

Shalom from the Heart of Hadar💚

What Healing Really Looked Like for Me

 

Lately I’ve been going through a transition of Authenticity. 

When we embark on a journey of holistic wellness, we encounter many stages of healing. For me it started with awakening of consciousness- questions that seemed never ending, disinterest, isolation, deep sadness and a desire to change many aspects of myself and my environment. I unknowingly (as many do) associated this with depression. I’ve now come to understand that “depression is in many instances- your soul crying out for attention, your spirit letting you know that it feels caged and needs attention and nurturing. It wants to connect with Source. 

This awakening looks like many things on different levels for different people. 

The next stage that followed on my journey was Acceptance. I accepted what I was feeling and focused on understanding it instead of suppressing it. I studied to find answers to my many questions. I let people and things fall off naturally by not forcing myself to connect when I didn't want to. I immersed myself in the attainment of knowledge. Human anatomy, psychology, systems, religious history, ancient Hebrew text, African history, Kemetic teachings, spiritual science and quantum physics, History of Yoga, Meditation and many more interests. 

This brought some fulfillment and helped with the feeling of depression. I left my job, travelled to another country for almost six months, encountered stumbling blocks and trauma that made me question why I was doing all this inner work in the first place only to be rewarded with pain.

I didn’t understand at the time what was taking place behind the scenes spiritually. I didn't understand the Trust and dependency on The Holy Spirit and my intuition that was developing silently within me. The transparency of my heart and resilience that had taken root and growing upward in my spine. 

I didn’t understand at the time-the way I was beginning to empower myself and finding my voice as my spirit quietly grew tired of being silenced and stifled. She was humbly plotting, building a case to present to me in my quiet moments of meditation. My higher self was consulting with the heavens covering my naivety with sovereignty.

 All the knowledge of truth that had planted seeds of understanding within my Hippocampus were being watered and nurtured by my daily practices of gratitude and stillness. I was being rewarded for perseverance, for honoring the Creator even in the midst of the scariest moments of my life. As these roots grew and spread across the different parts of my brain in stages- it was at the stage of reaching my Prefrontal cortex and my Amygdala working together that I was able to reason and process all that had been happening in my life up to that point. 

See, we often desire immediate results in our practices. We expect that when we try something it’s supposed to work right away or at least soon after. But all that I’d been learning, shedding, breathing in, letting go, affirming, desiring, regulating- was slowly reshaping my perception. It was slowly and still is healing the brokenness within me from childhood till now. 

There is a scripture in the bible which speaks on being transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is essentially the process that was taking place within me and I wasn't even aware of it. My awareness at the time was focused on surviving my immediate situation. 

When I finally felt safe again, when my body felt secure again and my mind was relaxed enough to reveal its secrets of evolution- I was amazed to see just how much I’d grown. I was amazed to understand just how much of “me” wasn’t me at all but a me that was conditioned by circumstances and false teachings. I had evolved into a state of total awareness and this awareness brought on the desire for the stage that I am at now. 

Guess what comes before Authenticity though? Tadah (the forbidden word of western society) ACCOUNTABILITY. This stage is the most uncomfortable. This stage put me back into isolation. I had to fight the depths of despair and keep myself highly vibrational as much as possible so as to not become depressed again. 

There is nothing fun about realizing the roles you’ve played in your own sufferings. I was presented with the many times I ignored my own intuition for temporary pleasure. The many times I knew I wasn’t supposed to invest my money into a particular thing or person but ignored the nudging in my stomach and went ahead doubting my own intuitive intelligence. 

The many times I could’ve spoken up but chose to stay silent because I let fear control me. The many times I was told to go but chose to stay and the numerous times I was told to stay but chose to go. 

The reality of my participation stood up to me as a mirror that sucked me in taking me through doorways of neglect, regret, confusion, perversion, insecurity, lack, abandonment issues, sexual immaturity, control issues, passive aggression, victimhood, lack of discipline and the hall of terror went on and on. 

We must all face our demons, we must all walk through the valley of shadows. There is darkness within us all and this is what negativity latches itself to. This is the spiritual darkness that hides in the high places of our minds and the more we ignore it the bigger it grows-consuming the light of our conscious being. Our responsibility when presented with the awareness of this darkness within us is to acknowledge it’s presence and shine light on it so we can see what is hidden and clean it out. 

This is no easy task ya’ll. Accountability is a chapter in itself that needs undivided attention. I want to share with you how you can take accountability and how I was able to move forward from this stage in my journey. So in my next post we will explore this forsaken word and I’d share my present stage of “developing authenticity” with you. 

At every stage in your journey there is a little bit of everything that needs to be done at some level-but because you already have the knowledge of how to navigate and use particular skills you’ve already developed, it becomes much easier to identify and apply what you have learnt.

I am proud of myself and where I am in this moment. I may not be where I want to be yet but I know that where I am now is far from where I was and that is impressive to say the least. I am proud of you also and the steps you are taking towards becoming the highest version of your Self. I pray that you are forever conscious of your guidance by the I AM and that you take the time in your day to be grateful. This is one of the easiest ways to keep your vibration aligned with the frequency of creation and to be able to hear when the voice of the Divine Spirit speaks to you. 

I pray that every eye that lands upon my words be enlightened and is blessed with the touch of healing from the ultimate Healer. May you be prosperous and blessed with all things that align
with your highest good and the good of ALL. Shalom. 

From Healing to Heart: Sharing what I've Learned on the Journey

 Healing is a journey I’ve been on for years — as a mother, a coach, and a wholistic practitioner. Along the way, I’ve learned how emotional awareness, self-reflection, and intentional living can transform how we relate to ourselves and others.

Heart of Hadar is the space where I share these reflections, guidance, and insights — not as answers, but as invitations to pause, reflect, and create in your own life. I personally believed that "being healed" was an easy destination-Oh was I wrong! This is a life-long journey. There is always room for improvement in some area of our lives.

Healing has always been more than a process-It's a conversation with the heart. A returning to " I AM", the truest and highest version of ourselves. For a log time I aspired to become someone other than myself. I figured that someone better meant someone new- but changing everything about yourself can make this healing journey more grievous than it needs to be. Attempting to become someone new entirely can lead you deep down into the depths of despair.

The goal is not to become a new person, you may become different in many ways-yes, but the objective is to remember- to become so in-tuned with the frequency of creation that every aspect of your being is in full alignment. Where your mind-body-spirit speaks the same language-Peace!

Like most people, my journey has been filled with trauma, self doubt, self loathing, abuse, mistakes and heartbreaks and cycles of lessons that I just wasn't learning fast enough. It wasn't until my last traumatic experience that something inside me clicked and my soul said "enough is enough!". It was at that junction- all the knowledge and wisdom I've been gathering over the years started shouting harsh truths at me.

Accountability took the shape of a hammer and hit me over the head and just like in the cartoons I was laid flat on my back with a bump on my head and stars circling that took the form of words saying "You need to Love yourself, these are YOUR CHOICES!".

Since that encounter with accountability this journey began to take strides, realization of the role I've played in my own suffering forced me to pull my magnifying glass and allow the Holy Spirit to become my microscope. I've become a self taught scientist questioning everything about my own existence, about my past, family history and patterns, the food I eat, the partners and friends I've chosen.

It has all become a science because I was and still am- determined to understand who I am and become consistently and perfectly aligned with my purpose. To take apart what I've learnt, what my environment has conditioned and decipher what roles my inherited DNA had to play in my downfalls and upliftment.

This journey is not for the weak, this journey is not for the faint of heart. This journey requires the practice of resilience. It requires the practice of discipline and self motivation. Notice I've said "practice" because I understand that not everyone starts out having these skills.

Some people are stronger in certain arears than others and in the arears where we are weak-this is where we must practice discipline the most. My mission with this blog is to share with you the tools I've used to elevate and the ones that I am still using today as I continue to grow. One of them being that I started surrounding myself with only like minded individuals who are also on this journey of becoming.

I've learnt a lot from my peers, fellow coaches, spiritual leaders. so many nuggets, so many insights by example of how they live and how they face their own situations navigating this duality of life.

One might ask- "what is this journey and where are we going?" This is an excellent question and one that I've asked multiple times. here's the best answer I've gotten thus far: We've herd about righteousness many times-it has always been synonymous with religious practice especially Christianity.

What if I told you that the root meaning of righteousness in the Hebrew gives the answer to this question of healing and evolution to one's Highest Self- this word Righteousness (tzedek) refers to justice, fairness, rightness and integrity. This is the balance of Life.

A person who is righteous (tzadik) refers to a person who embodies Tzedek (righteousness) and is morally and spiritually upright. Isn't this the goal? To feel in complete alignment with Creator and creation. To do right by others and have them do right by you?

Proverbs 24:16 says that the righteous falls seven times and rises again but the wicked stumble in calamity. Yes it is frustrating at times to keep making mistakes, to keep repeating patterns and cycles, but the righteous are those of us who keep getting back up and doing better every time. It's about learning the lessons whether you learn them fast or slow. It is about determination and an unwavering willingness to pursue the perfect balance.

This journey is filled with falling and getting back up again but the goal is oneness, Peace within. Asking the hard questions and positioning ourselves for the answers and then applying them.

Heart of Hadar is a space for reflection, guidance, and exploration. Here you'll find insights on emotional intelligence, wellness practices, family, relationships, and wholistic self care- all shared from a place of experience and intention.

I invite you to pause, reflect and explore these pages at your own pace. Share your thoughts, insights, or questions. Your journey is unique and every reflection matters.

"Healing begins with the Heart- and every heart has a story."