What Healing Really Looked Like for Me

 

Lately I’ve been going through a transition of Authenticity. 

When we embark on a journey of holistic wellness, we encounter many stages of healing. For me it started with awakening of consciousness- questions that seemed never ending, disinterest, isolation, deep sadness and a desire to change many aspects of myself and my environment. I unknowingly (as many do) associated this with depression. I’ve now come to understand that “depression is in many instances- your soul crying out for attention, your spirit letting you know that it feels caged and needs attention and nurturing. It wants to connect with Source. 

This awakening looks like many things on different levels for different people. 

The next stage that followed on my journey was Acceptance. I accepted what I was feeling and focused on understanding it instead of suppressing it. I studied to find answers to my many questions. I let people and things fall off naturally by not forcing myself to connect when I didn't want to. I immersed myself in the attainment of knowledge. Human anatomy, psychology, systems, religious history, ancient Hebrew text, African history, Kemetic teachings, spiritual science and quantum physics, History of Yoga, Meditation and many more interests. 

This brought some fulfillment and helped with the feeling of depression. I left my job, travelled to another country for almost six months, encountered stumbling blocks and trauma that made me question why I was doing all this inner work in the first place only to be rewarded with pain.

I didn’t understand at the time what was taking place behind the scenes spiritually. I didn't understand the Trust and dependency on The Holy Spirit and my intuition that was developing silently within me. The transparency of my heart and resilience that had taken root and growing upward in my spine. 

I didn’t understand at the time-the way I was beginning to empower myself and finding my voice as my spirit quietly grew tired of being silenced and stifled. She was humbly plotting, building a case to present to me in my quiet moments of meditation. My higher self was consulting with the heavens covering my naivety with sovereignty.

 All the knowledge of truth that had planted seeds of understanding within my Hippocampus were being watered and nurtured by my daily practices of gratitude and stillness. I was being rewarded for perseverance, for honoring the Creator even in the midst of the scariest moments of my life. As these roots grew and spread across the different parts of my brain in stages- it was at the stage of reaching my Prefrontal cortex and my Amygdala working together that I was able to reason and process all that had been happening in my life up to that point. 

See, we often desire immediate results in our practices. We expect that when we try something it’s supposed to work right away or at least soon after. But all that I’d been learning, shedding, breathing in, letting go, affirming, desiring, regulating- was slowly reshaping my perception. It was slowly and still is healing the brokenness within me from childhood till now. 

There is a scripture in the bible which speaks on being transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is essentially the process that was taking place within me and I wasn't even aware of it. My awareness at the time was focused on surviving my immediate situation. 

When I finally felt safe again, when my body felt secure again and my mind was relaxed enough to reveal its secrets of evolution- I was amazed to see just how much I’d grown. I was amazed to understand just how much of “me” wasn’t me at all but a me that was conditioned by circumstances and false teachings. I had evolved into a state of total awareness and this awareness brought on the desire for the stage that I am at now. 

Guess what comes before Authenticity though? Tadah (the forbidden word of western society) ACCOUNTABILITY. This stage is the most uncomfortable. This stage put me back into isolation. I had to fight the depths of despair and keep myself highly vibrational as much as possible so as to not become depressed again. 

There is nothing fun about realizing the roles you’ve played in your own sufferings. I was presented with the many times I ignored my own intuition for temporary pleasure. The many times I knew I wasn’t supposed to invest my money into a particular thing or person but ignored the nudging in my stomach and went ahead doubting my own intuitive intelligence. 

The many times I could’ve spoken up but chose to stay silent because I let fear control me. The many times I was told to go but chose to stay and the numerous times I was told to stay but chose to go. 

The reality of my participation stood up to me as a mirror that sucked me in taking me through doorways of neglect, regret, confusion, perversion, insecurity, lack, abandonment issues, sexual immaturity, control issues, passive aggression, victimhood, lack of discipline and the hall of terror went on and on. 

We must all face our demons, we must all walk through the valley of shadows. There is darkness within us all and this is what negativity latches itself to. This is the spiritual darkness that hides in the high places of our minds and the more we ignore it the bigger it grows-consuming the light of our conscious being. Our responsibility when presented with the awareness of this darkness within us is to acknowledge it’s presence and shine light on it so we can see what is hidden and clean it out. 

This is no easy task ya’ll. Accountability is a chapter in itself that needs undivided attention. I want to share with you how you can take accountability and how I was able to move forward from this stage in my journey. So in my next post we will explore this forsaken word and I’d share my present stage of “developing authenticity” with you. 

At every stage in your journey there is a little bit of everything that needs to be done at some level-but because you already have the knowledge of how to navigate and use particular skills you’ve already developed, it becomes much easier to identify and apply what you have learnt.

I am proud of myself and where I am in this moment. I may not be where I want to be yet but I know that where I am now is far from where I was and that is impressive to say the least. I am proud of you also and the steps you are taking towards becoming the highest version of your Self. I pray that you are forever conscious of your guidance by the I AM and that you take the time in your day to be grateful. This is one of the easiest ways to keep your vibration aligned with the frequency of creation and to be able to hear when the voice of the Divine Spirit speaks to you. 

I pray that every eye that lands upon my words be enlightened and is blessed with the touch of healing from the ultimate Healer. May you be prosperous and blessed with all things that align
with your highest good and the good of ALL. Shalom.